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NLP A Transformative experience
Life with your teenagers or your parents can become a pleasurable experience or a painful one. Both parents & children have to make some small changes in order to establish good rapport & inner communion with each other. Then & then only family life can become a heavenly life. Life before having children & life after having them is never going to be the same. NLP gives you this paradigm shift thought. After completing the NLP Practitioner Course, even parents start understanding the implications of their use of language with each other. The most important skill from NLP Practitioner Course you can gain is to smile, take yourselves lightly and enjoy the ride.
Most of the time, I spent helping parents with their teenagers. I have also spent a great deal of time assisting the teenagers in solving their problems & successfully establishing communication with their parents. Under our social responsibility programmes, we meet thousands of teenagers every year. Sometimes, I get shocked by listening to the problems they are facing. Thanks to the tools & techniques of NLP!
In this blog, I want to share with you some important tips and hints for both parents and teenagers. This is not only for the few parents and teenagers, who have severe problems in their relationships and lives. It is to help you realise that you love your child and your child loves you. Perhaps you will gain an insight into what is going on for each of you.
First, Tips for parents:
Parent Tip 1 - Wait!
You have probably found yourself getting angry about the mess in the house, the rude way of speaking to a guest, bad manners, stubbornness etc. You should always keep it in mind that the teenage years are time-limited. By the time they will become reach in their 20s, they will be a responsive, loving, reasonable human being again, just like when they were a child. So, the first thing we should do is to wait. As an NLP Practitioner, you start becoming aware of your own emotions & how they are tricking you, you would start taking things lightly.
Parent Tip 2 – Never forget your parenthood!
You have to set the boundaries and hold them tight. This does not mean that you have the right to do anything with your children. They are not your property; they are gifts given by God. Instead of yelling, screaming, start loving them unconditionally. Don't expect them to understand your feelings. Decide mutually what rules are utterly immovable and stick to them. Always keep it in mind that periphery may change with circumstances, but not the core. Let them know, what you value most. They don't do what you tell them to do; they learn by observing you. You will be tested, and your job is to stand firm for your values. If the time to return home is 09 p.m., then its 09 p.m. – no arguments no dispute – it just is. When you also follow that rule, they are bound to do that. The number of rules
Should be minimum so that they would be followed at their best.
Parent Tip 3 - Keep up!
The teenage is the age of rapid change and development. You have to keep up with your teenager in many ways. What was appropriate at the age of 15 may not be right at the age of 16. Never forget that these are their formative years, your unconditional support, love & care will them on track. Your advice should be a guide for them, not a burden to carry. They are the means of fulfilling your incomplete dreams. Your every action is creating an imprint on their mind. When it's time to change the rules, do so rationally and without complaint. As an NLP Practitioner, you know exactly what is going to impact where. Discuss what is reasonable with your children & let them know that boundaries have changed. Your children are different today than they were yesterday.
Parent Tip 4 – Try to understand that they are full of energy!
As an NLP Practitioner, you as a parent, become aware of your emotions, how they are driving you. You also start understanding their inner world & the changes they are facing in their lives. Your teenager is going out and exploring the scary big world in his own way; your efforts should be to help them understand the world outside. Put your opinions in front of them; let them decide. Most important make them responsible for their decision. Try to look at the world from their perspective.
Now Tips for Teenagers:
Teen Tip 1 - Relax!
I know that your parents are the most embarrassing, un-cool people you have ever met and that all your friends' parents are much more reasonable and enlightened. Be patient! Try to understand the purpose of their behaviour. Why they are saying something to you again & again, if that's not right or proper make it clear to them. They want you to succeed from their innermost core of heart. However, deep down, you also know that your parents love you most and they want the very best for you. You will get your freedom whatever you wish for, but you have gained the trust of your parents. Just wait a while, and everything will be OK.
Teen Tip 2 - Remember, you are the teenager.
You may have more fun without your parents, but always remember that river only reaches to the ocean when it accepts the boundaries of shores. Your parent's set some boundaries to keep you safe as you explore the unknown world. They want your safety first. They have seen & experienced what you can't imagine also. You should keep checking that the rules and boundaries are still there and are the same as they were yesterday. If they are, check out why and accept that they are there for a reason. Most of them are there to keep you reasonably safe and reduce parental fear. This is a very concerning factor for your parents, so try to be tolerant.
Teen Tip 3 - Slow down for your parents!
You should understand that your parent's life runs at a slower pace than your life does. They have been doing things the same way for a long time, and they have set patterns in their ways. They will not be able to keep up with your fast pace, so be kind to them and explain very carefully to them what is happening now in your life. You will be making some major decisions in your life very quickly, and this is great for you, but it is really frightening to them, so be kind to your parents. They will keep reminding of things that are long gone in your life, like the time you liked cabbage or the time you happily visited Uncle Fred. They do not understand that you are not the same person as when you were 10 - that was then and this is now!
Teen Tip 4 - Allow your parents some freedom
Now that you have a life outside the home, it's time to let your parents have some freedom too. Your absence in the house should not be the subject of worry to them. Never lose their trust. Allow them to spend some quality time together. They used to have a carefree life before your birth and quite enjoy each other's company. If they are not home when you come home, don't be grumpy and just call them to ask, where they are & what time they will be home. Be patient! When they come back, it's a good idea to ask them if they had a nice time and make a cup of tea. You will score lots of points for this approach which you can cash in at a later date if you need to, like the next time you forget to say where you are going!
Love unconditionally. This is the most important & crucial thing is a parent-child relation. Your child is not your property or the means of fulfilling your incomplete dreams. Remember, your considerable freedom, faith in them & unconditional love can help their growth as a human being. Always ask yourself a question as a parent: How should my child remember me after I'm gone from this world?
Creator of MBNLP, Founder & CEO of Indian Board of Neuro-Linguistic Programming